Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
