I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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