.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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