Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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