Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Randomize
