I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize