Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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