I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
