just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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