perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
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Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box