It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
