this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.