you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks