Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
