I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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