We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
