Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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