I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
