Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
