There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
