i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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