The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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