I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
