I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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