I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
