This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
40s are totally the cure
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
