ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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