Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
