why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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