I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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