i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Are my feet made of real feet?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
