I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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