..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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