I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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