: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
