she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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