i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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