My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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