and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
