May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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