Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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