Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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