A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So much Jack, so little girl.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
