He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
