I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wish there were birth control emojis
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
