I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
