Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
