I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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