Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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