Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
