Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Blood and glitter go together right?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
