Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize