Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
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I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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