I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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