tell your sister to shave her snatch
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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