I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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