The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
