This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
