It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
