he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I love having hate sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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