You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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