Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
