Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
