Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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