yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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