Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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