Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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