She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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