How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
